
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Going in circles?
Lately, I have been feeling very unfulfilled in my current job. It's not that I dont like taking care of people. i dont mind the job itself and I enjoy the people that I work with. I just dont feel like I make enough money and I am not a huge fan of my schedule. I have ended up working a lot of weekends and holidays in the last few months. I finally have made the decision that I am going to go and do what I graduated in. I want to teach elementary school. But right now..I feel stuck. There arent a lot of teaching positions that are opening until the fall. For now, I think I will be at the hospital until atleast August. I was expressing my frustrations to my family tonight at a family dinner and my aunt commented "You just keep going in circles, dont you Gwennie?". Something about that comment has stuck with my through the night and has kept nagging at me. I guess I have kept going in circles. I thought I didnt like nursing so I switched my degree to teaching. I graduated in teaching and then decided I didnt like that. So i got another job at a hospital and started taking classes to get a second degree in nursing. Now i've decided that's not the best plan and I am going back to just doing teaching. My aunt is right. My life has been a whole big circle. And to be honest, I am ready for it to end. The reasons I decided to go teach had more to do with just a desire to teach this time. It has just seemed like the best thing for my and Patrick. I will be making a TON more money than I am making right now. We can save and he can get through school faster. I wont have to work weekends and holidays. It just seems like it will be what's best for our family. I have never been good with decisions and this one was no exception. I just feel scared at this point that I wont even be able to get a teaching job. In the last little while, I have been applying for all sorts of jobs just trying to find something that will make me happier until I can get a teaching job. I haven't even gotten a single interview. I guess it's shaken my confidence in myself. I just feel like I am down on myself all the time. I guess what it boils down to right now is that I am trying to find some joy in the journey and I am finding it difficult right now. I just want to have Patrick done with school, have a job I love, and be a mom. That's what I want more than anymore. But it feels like it's so far off. I think my aunt got it right...I am just going in one big circle. Sorry for the depressing post, I just needed to let it all spill out my mind before it drove me crazy. Happy posts to come soon...I promise.
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I know how you feel. I was stuck in a job I wasn't a fan of. I had left a well-paying job (not one I loved though) for a job in my field (still not one I loved) but less money. I looked for a new job almost from day one of starting. It took me about 8 months before finding a job I loved! Of course, right after I got the job offer I found out I was expecting, but I loved my job while I was there until my baby came. Just pray every day and night, go to the temple, etc etc. The Lord knows what's in store for you and He will help you a. find what you're looking for and b. not feel stuck. :)
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